Moving Host
After a whoppingly long three day tenture here at blogg.se, I've decided to move to a sexier place. No offense to this one though, it has served me well. All three days. ALL. THREE. DAYS.
Check out the new, even sexier blog, HERE.
Love,
/A
Check out the new, even sexier blog, HERE.
Love,
/A
Top 9 Things to Do in My Room When You Don't Want to Go Outside and Meet People Your Parents Have Brought Over
Praise the Lord (or Lords, depending on your faith), it's another silly Top 9! A part of me is scared of doing another one of these. After all, how am I going to top my last one? But worry not, I have lots more crazy stuff coming up. And here's one of those crazy stuff...s.
So as some people know, I'm currently at my childhood home in Gothenburg, due to reasons of laziness (haven't managed to get my arse back to Örebro yet). And as all people who have at some point lived with their parents (I am going to assume that means most of you) can attest to, there's the "annoying guest" syndrome. You know, when your parents bring home some really annoying people who you just don't want to meet. And today, this occured as well. So in order to avoid meeting them I have been forced to stay in my room, like a secluded beast afraid of sunlight, for a few hours now. Some breakfast would be nice... but instead of food, I am posting this!
So without any more babbling, I present to you...
TOP 9 THINGS TO DO IN MY ROOM WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND MEET PEOPLE YOUR PARENTS HAVE BROUGHT OVER
(or T9TTDIMRWYDWTGAMYPHBO for short).
Oh and why top 9? Because I am a goddamn underachiever!
---
#9
Study for an exam which I, in fact, should have started working with 2 weeks ago
Haha! Good one. NEXT!
---
#8
Question the true meaning of old Chinese poster that an ex-girlfriend gave me
She always said that it spells out my name, but let's be honest, the Chinese dude could have been an ass. The poster might say "Lover of Horse Penis" for all I know. And yes, thoughts like that keep me awake all night. Or all morning in this case.
---
#7
Watch nostalgic anime VHS tapes from back in the day when only me and a handful more even knew what anime was
Yes, those were good days. What fascinated me the most as a kid is probably all the nudity that appeared in these films. I didn't really associate "boobs" with "animated stuff" back then. Oh Chun-Li, you and your rack. That shower scene of yours. Thank you so, so, soooo, much... ~~~~~ (those symbols are supposed to be drool).
---
#6
Take a look at impressive collection of albums (which would have been more impressive if I had never started playing music and subsequently spent all my cash on drums instead)
Got some cool stuff in there actually. Not like you can see it from that distance. I'll just pick out a gem for ya!
My mate's dad's obscure Swedish dance band! Oh, what a joy to own this record. Cheers to you Maxie for having such a badass father. Ultimate party single!
---
#5
Play acoustic guitar while looking sexily in the mirror, pretending there's a tone deaf female there
Well tone deaf might be a bit harsh, I can actually play this thing a bit! Not nearly as good as drums & piano, of course, but still! Only downside is that it would alert the DEMONS OUTSIDE to my presence in the room. So it's out of the question, unfortunately.
---
#4
Removing remains of last weekend's highly nutritious gamer food
"BUT IT'S SO RED AND PRETTY!". In other words: Can't be arsed. I might get a craving for... candy wrappers... later.
---
#3
Question the fact that I seem to have a complete collection of Donald Duck Pocket books except for one volume in every character's face
Jesus Christ, look at this mess. Donald, Mickey! Scrooooge! GOOFY! They all look like retards. Or maybe like they're being slowly mutilated in a grinder. Horrible, horrible, thoughts! Damn my youth's inability to maintain perfect collections. It will stalk me to my death.
---
#2
Ponder my roots
I am, in fact, half "samish". It sounds a bit like "amish", but that's not really the truth. Well, there are some similarities. Think of the "sames" as kind of a Nordic version of the Native Indians. They live in small secluded areas of Sweden, Norway, Finland and I think Iceland too. They have their own language and set of religious beliefs, and since my father is one, that makes me half. And this stone thingy, as well as the wooden pipe you see behind it, are affiliated to this people. Some days I will stare at this disturbingly ugly rock thingy (who I have named "Rockella"), and question my heritage. Deep, deep days.
Also, returning to the wooden thing. It's sort of a horn, and it's called a "jojk". You blow it, and it produces a sound that reminds me a bit of a didgeridoo, but a lot lower in "boomness". Yes, I do love my quotation marks. Some day I will record a video of me in samish clothes, attempting to play that thing. Or wait, no, I won't.
---
#1
Order remains of yesterday's tasty rice dish in systematic order
This gets the #1 position because, sadly, that's what I did most of the time before writing this blog. As you can see, most of the rice is close to the fork's end. IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE! It took hard work. But as visible from the photo, I have a long way to go. The day is still young...
---
I hope you enjoyed this list, dear readers, and be sure to keep following me as well as spreading the word! Response has been great so far, and I have already noticed that a bunch of you are coming back for more, and that makes me very happy!
More crazy stuff, Swedish bitterness, and also AN AWESOME DESIGN, coming up... soon. Soon.
Love.
/A
So as some people know, I'm currently at my childhood home in Gothenburg, due to reasons of laziness (haven't managed to get my arse back to Örebro yet). And as all people who have at some point lived with their parents (I am going to assume that means most of you) can attest to, there's the "annoying guest" syndrome. You know, when your parents bring home some really annoying people who you just don't want to meet. And today, this occured as well. So in order to avoid meeting them I have been forced to stay in my room, like a secluded beast afraid of sunlight, for a few hours now. Some breakfast would be nice... but instead of food, I am posting this!
So without any more babbling, I present to you...
TOP 9 THINGS TO DO IN MY ROOM WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND MEET PEOPLE YOUR PARENTS HAVE BROUGHT OVER
(or T9TTDIMRWYDWTGAMYPHBO for short).
Oh and why top 9? Because I am a goddamn underachiever!
---
#9
Study for an exam which I, in fact, should have started working with 2 weeks ago
Haha! Good one. NEXT!
---
#8
Question the true meaning of old Chinese poster that an ex-girlfriend gave me
She always said that it spells out my name, but let's be honest, the Chinese dude could have been an ass. The poster might say "Lover of Horse Penis" for all I know. And yes, thoughts like that keep me awake all night. Or all morning in this case.
---
#7
Watch nostalgic anime VHS tapes from back in the day when only me and a handful more even knew what anime was
Yes, those were good days. What fascinated me the most as a kid is probably all the nudity that appeared in these films. I didn't really associate "boobs" with "animated stuff" back then. Oh Chun-Li, you and your rack. That shower scene of yours. Thank you so, so, soooo, much... ~~~~~ (those symbols are supposed to be drool).
---
#6
Take a look at impressive collection of albums (which would have been more impressive if I had never started playing music and subsequently spent all my cash on drums instead)
Got some cool stuff in there actually. Not like you can see it from that distance. I'll just pick out a gem for ya!
My mate's dad's obscure Swedish dance band! Oh, what a joy to own this record. Cheers to you Maxie for having such a badass father. Ultimate party single!
---
#5
Play acoustic guitar while looking sexily in the mirror, pretending there's a tone deaf female there
Well tone deaf might be a bit harsh, I can actually play this thing a bit! Not nearly as good as drums & piano, of course, but still! Only downside is that it would alert the DEMONS OUTSIDE to my presence in the room. So it's out of the question, unfortunately.
---
#4
Removing remains of last weekend's highly nutritious gamer food
"BUT IT'S SO RED AND PRETTY!". In other words: Can't be arsed. I might get a craving for... candy wrappers... later.
---
#3
Question the fact that I seem to have a complete collection of Donald Duck Pocket books except for one volume in every character's face
Jesus Christ, look at this mess. Donald, Mickey! Scrooooge! GOOFY! They all look like retards. Or maybe like they're being slowly mutilated in a grinder. Horrible, horrible, thoughts! Damn my youth's inability to maintain perfect collections. It will stalk me to my death.
---
#2
Ponder my roots
I am, in fact, half "samish". It sounds a bit like "amish", but that's not really the truth. Well, there are some similarities. Think of the "sames" as kind of a Nordic version of the Native Indians. They live in small secluded areas of Sweden, Norway, Finland and I think Iceland too. They have their own language and set of religious beliefs, and since my father is one, that makes me half. And this stone thingy, as well as the wooden pipe you see behind it, are affiliated to this people. Some days I will stare at this disturbingly ugly rock thingy (who I have named "Rockella"), and question my heritage. Deep, deep days.
Also, returning to the wooden thing. It's sort of a horn, and it's called a "jojk". You blow it, and it produces a sound that reminds me a bit of a didgeridoo, but a lot lower in "boomness". Yes, I do love my quotation marks. Some day I will record a video of me in samish clothes, attempting to play that thing. Or wait, no, I won't.
---
#1
Order remains of yesterday's tasty rice dish in systematic order
This gets the #1 position because, sadly, that's what I did most of the time before writing this blog. As you can see, most of the rice is close to the fork's end. IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE! It took hard work. But as visible from the photo, I have a long way to go. The day is still young...
---
I hope you enjoyed this list, dear readers, and be sure to keep following me as well as spreading the word! Response has been great so far, and I have already noticed that a bunch of you are coming back for more, and that makes me very happy!
More crazy stuff, Swedish bitterness, and also AN AWESOME DESIGN, coming up... soon. Soon.
Love.
/A
Funshots #1: EruEru's Wild Life on Karazhan
Hey everybody and welcome to another blog entry... another blog entry in ENGLISH! The terrifying new language that continues to... well, terrify, the world. Good times.
As has already been established by the many entries I've posted on my blog so far (a whopping 5 or so), I'm a pretty weird dude. And as such, I enjoy taking screenshots when I play games. A screenshot, for those who do not know, is basically when you take a photo of the game you are currently playing. For example: If I would shoot someone I really hate in Counter-Strike, I'd hit printscreen. That way I'd always be able to look back at that photo, reliving the moment when I lived my dream. In a game. It's just a game. Just a game...
Moving on...
One of my vices in life, being a weird dude, is of course playing World of Warcraft. This wonderful game, which has stolen many mens' souls and made them it's slaves, has corrupted me sporadically throughout the years. I recently got bored of it again (which is fitting since a new expansion set, that is to say new content, is being released... tomorrow!), so currently I'm not playing it much. But I pop in now and again, and today I'm gonna share a few shots with ya. This will take place in the all-new category Funshots, because they are screenshots, and they are FUN! ...Funshots!
Special thanks to the people of my guild, Conceited, for being pals and assisting me in several of these screenshots as "digital models" (Jesus CHRIST, that sounds so lame).
Without further ado, I give you...
---
ERULISSE, QUEEN OF KARAZHAN
Who is Erulisse you might ask, I mean, besides a smokin' hot lady (as far as video game babes go, and they GO A LONG WAY). Well, such a question cannot be defined in mere words. It must be displayed... through screenshots. Or funshots. Eh heh.
Erulisse is known for many things. She is, for example, incredibly courageous.
Once, she rode a rocket horse!
All the way to the moon!
Not to mention the time she thought she was a pirate.
Her sexuality is uncertain.
And so is her stance on animal rights.
One day, Erulisse, also known as EruEru, found herself at Stormwind harbor. She spent her time there very productively, stalked by a bird in the corner.
For truly, in World of Warcraft, all birds say "Derp". Even EruEru's trusty chocobo... ehm, I mean hawkstrider. Who's name is Chocostrider.
After a while, EruEru's friends arrived. There was the war-loving warrior Ronsard, the magical magician Icydevil, the deadly death knight Blackzaphire... and Draladin.
Sexily, they traversed across a bridge...
...until Ronsard realized they were heading the wrong way, and made the bold move of turning around.
As friends often do, they ended up heading to a secluded room for some table dancing.
Good question EruEru, good question.
After a while they got bored of this, and decided to "pull a Jesus". No, not die for your sins. They walked on water.
(Incredibly tough shark to spot, but believe me, it's there)
There must have been something strange about the water that day, however, for Ronsard quickly started behaving weirdly.
(Excuse the typo on "grown", and please view this short sentence of text as a 2 second suspenseful build-up before the next picture...)
OH NO SHE DIN'T!!!
To be continued.
/A
As has already been established by the many entries I've posted on my blog so far (a whopping 5 or so), I'm a pretty weird dude. And as such, I enjoy taking screenshots when I play games. A screenshot, for those who do not know, is basically when you take a photo of the game you are currently playing. For example: If I would shoot someone I really hate in Counter-Strike, I'd hit printscreen. That way I'd always be able to look back at that photo, reliving the moment when I lived my dream. In a game. It's just a game. Just a game...
Moving on...
One of my vices in life, being a weird dude, is of course playing World of Warcraft. This wonderful game, which has stolen many mens' souls and made them it's slaves, has corrupted me sporadically throughout the years. I recently got bored of it again (which is fitting since a new expansion set, that is to say new content, is being released... tomorrow!), so currently I'm not playing it much. But I pop in now and again, and today I'm gonna share a few shots with ya. This will take place in the all-new category Funshots, because they are screenshots, and they are FUN! ...Funshots!
Special thanks to the people of my guild, Conceited, for being pals and assisting me in several of these screenshots as "digital models" (Jesus CHRIST, that sounds so lame).
Without further ado, I give you...
---
ERULISSE, QUEEN OF KARAZHAN
Who is Erulisse you might ask, I mean, besides a smokin' hot lady (as far as video game babes go, and they GO A LONG WAY). Well, such a question cannot be defined in mere words. It must be displayed... through screenshots. Or funshots. Eh heh.
Erulisse is known for many things. She is, for example, incredibly courageous.
Once, she rode a rocket horse!
All the way to the moon!
Not to mention the time she thought she was a pirate.
Her sexuality is uncertain.
And so is her stance on animal rights.
One day, Erulisse, also known as EruEru, found herself at Stormwind harbor. She spent her time there very productively, stalked by a bird in the corner.
For truly, in World of Warcraft, all birds say "Derp". Even EruEru's trusty chocobo... ehm, I mean hawkstrider. Who's name is Chocostrider.
After a while, EruEru's friends arrived. There was the war-loving warrior Ronsard, the magical magician Icydevil, the deadly death knight Blackzaphire... and Draladin.
Sexily, they traversed across a bridge...
...until Ronsard realized they were heading the wrong way, and made the bold move of turning around.
As friends often do, they ended up heading to a secluded room for some table dancing.
Good question EruEru, good question.
After a while they got bored of this, and decided to "pull a Jesus". No, not die for your sins. They walked on water.
(Incredibly tough shark to spot, but believe me, it's there)
There must have been something strange about the water that day, however, for Ronsard quickly started behaving weirdly.
(Excuse the typo on "grown", and please view this short sentence of text as a 2 second suspenseful build-up before the next picture...)
OH NO SHE DIN'T!!!
To be continued.
/A
This just in: Du kunde haft sovmorgon!
Så, den uråldriga frågan. Finns det egentligen någon poäng med att gå på föreläsningar, eftersom all information ändå finns i böckerna och de två timmarna i fråga oftast består av dötid (den "akademiska kvarten"... urgh... ej inräknad)? Idag fick jag till sist svaret:
Översättning: Nej, det finns ingen poäng. För även om du går dit och snappar upp lite schysst info så måste du ändå slå upp skiten i någon av dina 10 overpriced böcker som du köpt med delar av de pengar som du sedan ska betala tillbaks till Förbundet Förenta Gamar, ehm, jag menar CSN. Och nej du kan inte heller strunta i att fixa böckerna för se på fan om det inte finns två stycken meningar du måste citera i en av dina tentor för att klättra över G. Totally värt 300 spänn. Det är många öl. Förr hade jag sagt "det är många tuggummin", men nu har de ju tagit bort 50-öringar så nu blir inte den metaforen lika stark. Livet suger.
Iallafall...
Å andra sidan är det kanske bra, för det finns ju faktiskt folk som blir sjuka, eller har andra förhinder. Och de ska ju ha en chans att prestera, så föreläsningar kan ju samtidigt ej vara för viktiga. Blablabla.
Hursomhelst fnissar jag diaboliskt åt allmänheten, och sover glatt vidare på föreläsningsdagarna. Samt avnjuter den sjuka stress som jag möts av när det är dags för en ny tenta. ... ... en stress som även folk som faktiskt går på föreläsningarna tycks erfara!
Vilket jäääävla status QuoOooOuuoOOoeeOoo (uttalas Kjoouuååhhäo).
/A
Översättning: Nej, det finns ingen poäng. För även om du går dit och snappar upp lite schysst info så måste du ändå slå upp skiten i någon av dina 10 overpriced böcker som du köpt med delar av de pengar som du sedan ska betala tillbaks till Förbundet Förenta Gamar, ehm, jag menar CSN. Och nej du kan inte heller strunta i att fixa böckerna för se på fan om det inte finns två stycken meningar du måste citera i en av dina tentor för att klättra över G. Totally värt 300 spänn. Det är många öl. Förr hade jag sagt "det är många tuggummin", men nu har de ju tagit bort 50-öringar så nu blir inte den metaforen lika stark. Livet suger.
Iallafall...
Å andra sidan är det kanske bra, för det finns ju faktiskt folk som blir sjuka, eller har andra förhinder. Och de ska ju ha en chans att prestera, så föreläsningar kan ju samtidigt ej vara för viktiga. Blablabla.
Hursomhelst fnissar jag diaboliskt åt allmänheten, och sover glatt vidare på föreläsningsdagarna. Samt avnjuter den sjuka stress som jag möts av när det är dags för en ny tenta. ... ... en stress som även folk som faktiskt går på föreläsningarna tycks erfara!
Vilket jäääävla status QuoOooOuuoOOoeeOoo (uttalas Kjoouuååhhäo).
/A
Top 9 Female WW2 Snipers
Okay, okay, let me explain.
First off, I've always loved Top 10's. Or 100's. Or whatever number you want to use. There's something about them that appeals to the human mind, I believe. You know, seeing things slowly unveil...
"What's number one gonna be?! Omg he thought RACHEL was the best Friends character?! That's crazy!". You know the drill.
So I thought to myself, now that I have a blog, I must naturally create a series of incredibly awesome countdowns of my own. And what kind of things do I want to talk about? Well, females who kill stuff, apparently. To be honest, this is another thing that's always fascinated me. Females who kick ass. I mean, we all know that women ARE inherently evil (...), but their role as a documented physical force is not covered as well. So naturally I thought that what better way to kick off my own Top 9's then to simply bring you...
THE TOP 9 FEMALE WW2 SNIPERS!
Disclaimer: No, this is not in any way meant to be a reflection of my own beliefs regarding anything this list contains. I do not like war, I do not feel strongly in any way for the Soviet Union (even though Stalin had a pretty nice moustasche) and so on. War is horrible, and this is just for fun, so take a deep breath... and enjoy.
Oh and why top 9? Because I am a goddamn underachiever!
---
#9
Tatiana Nikolaevna Baramzina
Kicking off the list with one of the less known snipers of the era. She had a successful killing spree in the beginning of her career, but it was tragically cut short rather early as she was, and I quote: "shot point-blank with an anti-tank rifle". AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE! Wow. She must have annoyed the wrong... rocket launcher?
Total kills: ?
---
#8
Nina Lobkovskaya
I couldn't actually find a decent photo of her, but this is apparently her team. And well, just thinking of the fact that she was in charge of an entire platoon of women with sniper rifles... that's enough for the #8th position on this mighty fine list.
Total kills: 89
---
#7
Marie Lyalková-Lastovecká
This woman deserves a slot on the list for two reasons. First off, her last name. "Lastovecká". It sort of means "Last Week" if you combine English and Swedish. Last(o), obviously, and then "vecká", which means "week" in Swedish (minus the ´ thingy). So yeah, funny pun right there, as if you meet her on the battlefield, it would be your last week alive... ... ... oh man, that was horrible. Anyway, second reason to include her:
She is STILL ALIVE! That is so awesome. Imagine the bedtime stories she'd tell her grandchildren. No wait, don't imagine that. That's horrible. Shame on you.
Total kills: 35
---
#6
Lydiya Gudovantseva
Main reason to why I included this happy gal is that she looks a hell of a lot like my old school chef back in grade school. Somehow I found that to be extremely disturbing. And well, just look how happy she is. Wonder what she's thinking about. Half-eaten meatballs?
Total kills: 76
---
#5
Aliya Muldagulova
Oh man, what a concentrated lady. Almost looks like a promotional photo for a one-man female death metal band. No wait, it doesn't. What am I talking about?
Total kills: 91
---
#4
Nina Pavlovna Petrova
Oh my, now we're talking. THIS is the face of a female killer. Look at her! So extremely cold. Those eyes scare me. Just by looking at her hilariously dated hair makes you feel that this lady, this coooold lady, has seen it all. She's seen death, and she's... been... death, too. Totally scary. Scary, scary, scary. Also, she kinda looks like one of my old teachers. Is that some sort of recurring theme here? Old scary teachers = Old scary snipers? Ladies are scary. I like that word. Scary.
Total kills: 107
---
#3
Natalya Benediktova Kovshova & Maria Polivanova
Giving these two a shared slot since they were, in fact, a team. And I mean, come on. If there's anything even more frightening than a solitary female sniper, that thing must be TWO solitary female snipers. Covering each others' backs, shooting stuff, sharing a drink... keeping each other warm in the snow... ... talking about the concept of love on the battlefield... resting in the same sleeping bag...
Alright, I'm gonna abort this soviet sniper killing machine lesbian innuendo before I really cross some lines for real. Or will I? Heh, heh.
Total kills: 300 combined
---
#2
Lyudmila Michaylovna Pavlichenko
This one-woman massacre of a human being was known as "The Hero of the Soviet Union". Doesn't that sound like a title for a grand action movie? "Lyuidmila, Hero of the Soviet Union". I'd see it. Also, for her admirable work within the field of... murder... ... she was actually awarded the following accolade:
She has her own stamp! Isn't that lovely, ladies and gentlemen! Kill people today and get YOUR face on a stamp. What better way to make mail travel faster than to attach the cold stare of a female serial killer on it? Oh, do we not just love... people?
Total kills: 309 (holy SHIT)
---
#1
Roza Yegorovna Shanina
So why does lovely, lovely Roza get the #1st position? Well, lovely is the key word here. Look at her! She is WAY too pretty to be a female killer. Sniper. Thingy. Look at her! I'd let her snipe my skull any day of the week. So what, she may not have as big a status as Lyudmila, or even half the kills, but LOOK at her! It's like a fairy tale.
---
Roza was only 10 years old... and dreamt... of horses. And vodka. One day, everything changed.
Roza's Dad: My daughter, you must cease your dreaming of horses... and vodka... and instead follow your true calling.
Roza: Daaaa?
Roza's Dad: Here's a sniper rifle, kill stuff!
Roza: Daaaa!
---
I can totally picture that with some booming trailer voice (not Don LaFontaine's unfortunately, since he's dead... which blows, hard).
So... yeah. Oh what the hell, another Roza photo!
I don't think it's particularly normal to drool over long-dead female killing machines, but then again, maybe that's the kind of women I'm attracted to? That's an entry for another day.
Total kills: 54 (but we still love you)
---
So there you go, the first of Andie's many upcoming Top 9's. I hope you enjoyed it, and to all my Swedish readers: det kommer mer bittert tjat om verklighetens plågor snart, och jag hoppas ni ändå finner något nöje i såna här inlägg trots att det är på det avancerade engelska språket. Eheee.
Peace, love, and femme fatales,
/A
Big thanks to this video, it really helped in compiling the list.
First off, I've always loved Top 10's. Or 100's. Or whatever number you want to use. There's something about them that appeals to the human mind, I believe. You know, seeing things slowly unveil...
"What's number one gonna be?! Omg he thought RACHEL was the best Friends character?! That's crazy!". You know the drill.
So I thought to myself, now that I have a blog, I must naturally create a series of incredibly awesome countdowns of my own. And what kind of things do I want to talk about? Well, females who kill stuff, apparently. To be honest, this is another thing that's always fascinated me. Females who kick ass. I mean, we all know that women ARE inherently evil (...), but their role as a documented physical force is not covered as well. So naturally I thought that what better way to kick off my own Top 9's then to simply bring you...
THE TOP 9 FEMALE WW2 SNIPERS!
Disclaimer: No, this is not in any way meant to be a reflection of my own beliefs regarding anything this list contains. I do not like war, I do not feel strongly in any way for the Soviet Union (even though Stalin had a pretty nice moustasche) and so on. War is horrible, and this is just for fun, so take a deep breath... and enjoy.
Oh and why top 9? Because I am a goddamn underachiever!
---
#9
Tatiana Nikolaevna Baramzina
Kicking off the list with one of the less known snipers of the era. She had a successful killing spree in the beginning of her career, but it was tragically cut short rather early as she was, and I quote: "shot point-blank with an anti-tank rifle". AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE! Wow. She must have annoyed the wrong... rocket launcher?
Total kills: ?
---
#8
Nina Lobkovskaya
I couldn't actually find a decent photo of her, but this is apparently her team. And well, just thinking of the fact that she was in charge of an entire platoon of women with sniper rifles... that's enough for the #8th position on this mighty fine list.
Total kills: 89
---
#7
Marie Lyalková-Lastovecká
This woman deserves a slot on the list for two reasons. First off, her last name. "Lastovecká". It sort of means "Last Week" if you combine English and Swedish. Last(o), obviously, and then "vecká", which means "week" in Swedish (minus the ´ thingy). So yeah, funny pun right there, as if you meet her on the battlefield, it would be your last week alive... ... ... oh man, that was horrible. Anyway, second reason to include her:
She is STILL ALIVE! That is so awesome. Imagine the bedtime stories she'd tell her grandchildren. No wait, don't imagine that. That's horrible. Shame on you.
Total kills: 35
---
#6
Lydiya Gudovantseva
Main reason to why I included this happy gal is that she looks a hell of a lot like my old school chef back in grade school. Somehow I found that to be extremely disturbing. And well, just look how happy she is. Wonder what she's thinking about. Half-eaten meatballs?
Total kills: 76
---
#5
Aliya Muldagulova
Oh man, what a concentrated lady. Almost looks like a promotional photo for a one-man female death metal band. No wait, it doesn't. What am I talking about?
Total kills: 91
---
#4
Nina Pavlovna Petrova
Oh my, now we're talking. THIS is the face of a female killer. Look at her! So extremely cold. Those eyes scare me. Just by looking at her hilariously dated hair makes you feel that this lady, this coooold lady, has seen it all. She's seen death, and she's... been... death, too. Totally scary. Scary, scary, scary. Also, she kinda looks like one of my old teachers. Is that some sort of recurring theme here? Old scary teachers = Old scary snipers? Ladies are scary. I like that word. Scary.
Total kills: 107
---
#3
Natalya Benediktova Kovshova & Maria Polivanova
Giving these two a shared slot since they were, in fact, a team. And I mean, come on. If there's anything even more frightening than a solitary female sniper, that thing must be TWO solitary female snipers. Covering each others' backs, shooting stuff, sharing a drink... keeping each other warm in the snow... ... talking about the concept of love on the battlefield... resting in the same sleeping bag...
Alright, I'm gonna abort this soviet sniper killing machine lesbian innuendo before I really cross some lines for real. Or will I? Heh, heh.
Total kills: 300 combined
---
#2
Lyudmila Michaylovna Pavlichenko
This one-woman massacre of a human being was known as "The Hero of the Soviet Union". Doesn't that sound like a title for a grand action movie? "Lyuidmila, Hero of the Soviet Union". I'd see it. Also, for her admirable work within the field of... murder... ... she was actually awarded the following accolade:
She has her own stamp! Isn't that lovely, ladies and gentlemen! Kill people today and get YOUR face on a stamp. What better way to make mail travel faster than to attach the cold stare of a female serial killer on it? Oh, do we not just love... people?
Total kills: 309 (holy SHIT)
---
#1
Roza Yegorovna Shanina
So why does lovely, lovely Roza get the #1st position? Well, lovely is the key word here. Look at her! She is WAY too pretty to be a female killer. Sniper. Thingy. Look at her! I'd let her snipe my skull any day of the week. So what, she may not have as big a status as Lyudmila, or even half the kills, but LOOK at her! It's like a fairy tale.
---
Roza was only 10 years old... and dreamt... of horses. And vodka. One day, everything changed.
Roza's Dad: My daughter, you must cease your dreaming of horses... and vodka... and instead follow your true calling.
Roza: Daaaa?
Roza's Dad: Here's a sniper rifle, kill stuff!
Roza: Daaaa!
---
I can totally picture that with some booming trailer voice (not Don LaFontaine's unfortunately, since he's dead... which blows, hard).
So... yeah. Oh what the hell, another Roza photo!
I don't think it's particularly normal to drool over long-dead female killing machines, but then again, maybe that's the kind of women I'm attracted to? That's an entry for another day.
Total kills: 54 (but we still love you)
---
So there you go, the first of Andie's many upcoming Top 9's. I hope you enjoyed it, and to all my Swedish readers: det kommer mer bittert tjat om verklighetens plågor snart, och jag hoppas ni ändå finner något nöje i såna här inlägg trots att det är på det avancerade engelska språket. Eheee.
Peace, love, and femme fatales,
/A
Big thanks to this video, it really helped in compiling the list.
English Introduction
One of the many problems in our international society is the whole language thing. What a load of bullshit that is, right? Couldn't everyone speak the same language? Maybe some African dialect, because it sounds so funny when they go "click, click, click". We'd all be clicking night and day... alright, nevermind.
Anyway, I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who suffer the extreme agony that is not knowing the Swedish language. This leads to two entirely disastrous consequences:
1) You will never be able to properly imitate vikings,
&
2) You won't be able to read everything in my blog.
So from now on, some stuff is going to be in Swedish and some in English. The more "general" things will probably be in the latter. But there's just some rants and things that are way too hard to convey in English. Because, as we say in Swedish, man är ju så förbannat jävla bitter asså.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. Welcome to my blog to all the non-Swedish speakers, stick around and I'll supply you with the occasional giggle.
Oh and by the way, I went ahead and added a photo of a ghost playing drums. Totally weird dude, what kind of a man wears lipstick!!!!111
/A
Oh and one last thing... see the tabs to the right? For future convenience, all the Swedish stuff will be sorted in the "Swedish Only" category. So avoid that! Unless you use google translator or something, you crazy person you.
The First Face of the BLAWG
Använde mina sjukligt stora skills inom fotografering och bildredigering för att producera detta idag, inte illa med tanke på hur sällan jag figurerar på bild these days.
Och ja, det var ironiskt. Förutom det sista.
Metal.
Inte En Jävla Blogg Till!
Det fick bli titeln på det här inlägget, för så kommer samtliga i min beundransvärda bekantskapskrets tänka när de om en liten stund ser mig länka detta på Facebook. Jo, så är det, en jävla blogg till. Men det finns en skillnad: Denna blogg har ett genuint godtagbart kriterie bakom sin existens. Den är livsviktig. No kidding.
Jag är bipolär. Liksom många andra i våran expanderande och paranoida värld lider jag av allvarliga humörsvängningar (sätt in onödig statistik här). Spontana följdreaktioner:
---
Person: Men Andie, alla har väl humörsvängningar?
Mr. Awesome Andie: Ja, men det skiter jag i. Jag har papper som bevisar mitt mentala läge. PAPPER, FFS! Mina problem > dina, noob.
Person: Men barnen i Afrika...
Mr. Awesome Andie: Haha, ja, dem ja...
---
För övrigt, "barnen i Afrika", vad är grejen med det? Är det så jävla oacceptabelt att må dåligt i underbara Sverige att våra känslor måste undermineras genom en irrelevant, och EXTREMT UTDATERAD, metafor för svält? But I digress...
*Harkel*
Hursomhelst, nu är väl nästa logiska tanke (antar jag?) att detta kommer vara en enormt hatisk, självcentrerad, ja rentav egoistisk, samling texter som skildras utifrån min (överlägsna) syn på världen? Ja, that's pretty much it. Men det är min blogg, och sålunda har jag den mest för min egen skull. Precis som personen som hann ta "andie.blogg.se" före mig (ditt as!) finner det stimulerande att förklara att han gick upp 6:40 en vardag (EN VARDAG!!!), så ser jag det som mitt kall att nu ta min plats i bloggvärlden.
Men låt mig nu klargöra, innan jag blir psykfallsförklarad på riktigt, att jag - liksom alla andra - har mina ups and downs. Och ingen älskar ett fett party (favoritdryck: CAPTAIN MORGAN) mer än jag gör! Så visst finns det mycket jag älskar också, musik mest av allt (i rollen som trummis, pianist och kompositör). Förut lirade jag i ett band vid namn SAI, som sedan bytte namn till Junction Skies, och vi kom en ganska schysst bit på vägen mot framgång. Ett par gig i Europa samt en epilepsiframkallande musikvideo var några av resultaten från detta. Just nu har jag ett nytt, förbannat lovande, projekt på gång som jag hoppas kommer betyda mer för mig än vad SAI någonsin gjorde (förutom ur nostalgisk synvinkel, såklart).
Bandlivet är det enda liv jag egentligen älskar fullt ut. Det finns andra aspekter av min existens jag också känner starkt för, spelvärlden kanske allra mest. Som liten och utfryst flydde jag ofta verkligheten med hjälp av spel. I början Nintendo, sedan Super Nintendo, sedan vidare därifrån. Jag lärde mig engelska redan som 8-åring, eftersom jag satt med en ordbok och pluggade termer från Final Fantasy 6 (God bless that game) istället för att sparka fotboll med de tuffa sportkillarna. Detta utvecklade min fantasi, och är antagligen mycket av anledningen till varför jag konstant reflekterar kring exakt allting jag ser och upplever. Det är inte ovanligt att jag plötsligt, mitt i en dialog, blir helt tyst i flera minuter för jag måste "tänka klart" på något. That's how deep it is!
Nåväl, going back to music. Om spelen var min räddare när jag var liten, blev musiken det senare. Jag slängde mig totalt in i rock och metal, vilket senare ledde till att jag började lira trummor. Detta har nu på senare år (och ja, jag låter ofta som jag är 20 år äldre än vad jag är) gått vidare till piano och komposition. Livet i ett seriöst band är, ironiskt nog, också enormt bipolärt. Upp och ner hela jävla tiden. Jag antar att jag dras till sådant! :D
Under min tid i mitt förra band skötte jag i stort sett all marknadsföring. Detta mest på grund av att det är något jag finner intressant. Att sprida budskapet, och se antalet supporters öka siffra efter siffra... det är som knark. Det var också därför jag sökte till det program jag nu går i Örebro: PR- och informationsprogrammet. Jag ska vara ärlig: Delkurserna är skittråkiga, föreläsningarna outhärdliga, och jag går knappt på dem. Jag är en sådan där som hellre ligger efter och som två dar innan tentor hårdpluggar till jag nästan svimmar av. Men somehow så har det alltid löst sig! Hursomhelst, även om delkurserna är BLÄÄH, så gillar jag målet, och jag ser fram emot den examen jag kommer få, så jag kan börja jobba med detta på heltid (i någon form). Gärna i kombination med ett bandprojekt of my own såklart. Kanske starta ett skivbolag? Åh, idéerna är så många.
Så varför startade jag då en blogg, nu såhär 10 år efter att allas morsor och husdjur till och med har egna sådana? Det var väl dags. Senaste halvåret har varit sjukt intensivt för mig. Föräldrarna går igenom skilsmässa, barndomshemmet (och därigenom alla minnen) säljs, flytten hemifrån, breaket från mitt kära band... ja, the list goes on and on. Min bipolaritet har eskalerat, och som ett led av att få ut de starka känslor av hat och depression som jag ofta känner så upplever jag att detta är en värdig aktivitet. Jag har alltid fått ut mina känslor via ord: Jag har skrivit poesi sedan jag var runt 10. Ord är makt. Slakt! Wait what?
Det där var väl den korta introduktionen till den här bloggen. Om du läste såhär långt så fett kudos till dig! Fortsätter jag slänga upp spydigheter och andra världsreflektioner på regulär basis kommer jag antagligen fixa ett sånt där snajsigt konto så all reklam försvinner. Foki, vad fan är det för något? Låter som en sallad. Sen blir det väl att anlita någon duktig människa att style:a till bloggen lite också. Sjukt trista designs och jag kan ingenting om sånt där. :D
Så yeah, that's it for now! Stay tuned och enjoy mina spontana glädjeutrop, min sarkastiska humor, mitt neverending tjat om musik och bandliv, samt sist (men absolut inte minst!), mina romaner om livets jävlighet.
/A
Jag är bipolär. Liksom många andra i våran expanderande och paranoida värld lider jag av allvarliga humörsvängningar (sätt in onödig statistik här). Spontana följdreaktioner:
---
Person: Men Andie, alla har väl humörsvängningar?
Mr. Awesome Andie: Ja, men det skiter jag i. Jag har papper som bevisar mitt mentala läge. PAPPER, FFS! Mina problem > dina, noob.
Person: Men barnen i Afrika...
Mr. Awesome Andie: Haha, ja, dem ja...
---
För övrigt, "barnen i Afrika", vad är grejen med det? Är det så jävla oacceptabelt att må dåligt i underbara Sverige att våra känslor måste undermineras genom en irrelevant, och EXTREMT UTDATERAD, metafor för svält? But I digress...
*Harkel*
Hursomhelst, nu är väl nästa logiska tanke (antar jag?) att detta kommer vara en enormt hatisk, självcentrerad, ja rentav egoistisk, samling texter som skildras utifrån min (överlägsna) syn på världen? Ja, that's pretty much it. Men det är min blogg, och sålunda har jag den mest för min egen skull. Precis som personen som hann ta "andie.blogg.se" före mig (ditt as!) finner det stimulerande att förklara att han gick upp 6:40 en vardag (EN VARDAG!!!), så ser jag det som mitt kall att nu ta min plats i bloggvärlden.
Men låt mig nu klargöra, innan jag blir psykfallsförklarad på riktigt, att jag - liksom alla andra - har mina ups and downs. Och ingen älskar ett fett party (favoritdryck: CAPTAIN MORGAN) mer än jag gör! Så visst finns det mycket jag älskar också, musik mest av allt (i rollen som trummis, pianist och kompositör). Förut lirade jag i ett band vid namn SAI, som sedan bytte namn till Junction Skies, och vi kom en ganska schysst bit på vägen mot framgång. Ett par gig i Europa samt en epilepsiframkallande musikvideo var några av resultaten från detta. Just nu har jag ett nytt, förbannat lovande, projekt på gång som jag hoppas kommer betyda mer för mig än vad SAI någonsin gjorde (förutom ur nostalgisk synvinkel, såklart).
Bandlivet är det enda liv jag egentligen älskar fullt ut. Det finns andra aspekter av min existens jag också känner starkt för, spelvärlden kanske allra mest. Som liten och utfryst flydde jag ofta verkligheten med hjälp av spel. I början Nintendo, sedan Super Nintendo, sedan vidare därifrån. Jag lärde mig engelska redan som 8-åring, eftersom jag satt med en ordbok och pluggade termer från Final Fantasy 6 (God bless that game) istället för att sparka fotboll med de tuffa sportkillarna. Detta utvecklade min fantasi, och är antagligen mycket av anledningen till varför jag konstant reflekterar kring exakt allting jag ser och upplever. Det är inte ovanligt att jag plötsligt, mitt i en dialog, blir helt tyst i flera minuter för jag måste "tänka klart" på något. That's how deep it is!
Nåväl, going back to music. Om spelen var min räddare när jag var liten, blev musiken det senare. Jag slängde mig totalt in i rock och metal, vilket senare ledde till att jag började lira trummor. Detta har nu på senare år (och ja, jag låter ofta som jag är 20 år äldre än vad jag är) gått vidare till piano och komposition. Livet i ett seriöst band är, ironiskt nog, också enormt bipolärt. Upp och ner hela jävla tiden. Jag antar att jag dras till sådant! :D
Under min tid i mitt förra band skötte jag i stort sett all marknadsföring. Detta mest på grund av att det är något jag finner intressant. Att sprida budskapet, och se antalet supporters öka siffra efter siffra... det är som knark. Det var också därför jag sökte till det program jag nu går i Örebro: PR- och informationsprogrammet. Jag ska vara ärlig: Delkurserna är skittråkiga, föreläsningarna outhärdliga, och jag går knappt på dem. Jag är en sådan där som hellre ligger efter och som två dar innan tentor hårdpluggar till jag nästan svimmar av. Men somehow så har det alltid löst sig! Hursomhelst, även om delkurserna är BLÄÄH, så gillar jag målet, och jag ser fram emot den examen jag kommer få, så jag kan börja jobba med detta på heltid (i någon form). Gärna i kombination med ett bandprojekt of my own såklart. Kanske starta ett skivbolag? Åh, idéerna är så många.
Så varför startade jag då en blogg, nu såhär 10 år efter att allas morsor och husdjur till och med har egna sådana? Det var väl dags. Senaste halvåret har varit sjukt intensivt för mig. Föräldrarna går igenom skilsmässa, barndomshemmet (och därigenom alla minnen) säljs, flytten hemifrån, breaket från mitt kära band... ja, the list goes on and on. Min bipolaritet har eskalerat, och som ett led av att få ut de starka känslor av hat och depression som jag ofta känner så upplever jag att detta är en värdig aktivitet. Jag har alltid fått ut mina känslor via ord: Jag har skrivit poesi sedan jag var runt 10. Ord är makt. Slakt! Wait what?
Det där var väl den korta introduktionen till den här bloggen. Om du läste såhär långt så fett kudos till dig! Fortsätter jag slänga upp spydigheter och andra världsreflektioner på regulär basis kommer jag antagligen fixa ett sånt där snajsigt konto så all reklam försvinner. Foki, vad fan är det för något? Låter som en sallad. Sen blir det väl att anlita någon duktig människa att style:a till bloggen lite också. Sjukt trista designs och jag kan ingenting om sånt där. :D
Så yeah, that's it for now! Stay tuned och enjoy mina spontana glädjeutrop, min sarkastiska humor, mitt neverending tjat om musik och bandliv, samt sist (men absolut inte minst!), mina romaner om livets jävlighet.
/A
